College Republicans, come join us
Our friend
Rude Pundit
says the following:
A Rude Note of Encouragement To College Republicans
:
Hey, crazy College Republicans, it's time to step up for Uncle Sam,
Lady Liberty, and good ol' George W. Bush. Ya see, with recruitment for
active military
and
reserves
(which, these days, is like active military but without things like
benefits) going down faster than a hot coed at a Campus Conservatives
for Christ informational mixer, the brave boys and girls in uniform
need some new blood to be spilled on the hot streets of Basra and
Baghdad.
Man, you College Republicans are da bomb, a'ight, with your Talking Points on
Terror
that say, "U.S. forces are now working alongside Iraqi security forces
to defeat terrorists in militants in the country. America and our
coalition forces helped to end the Saddam Hussein?s brutal regime, and
now that we are helping to promote peace and democracy, the American
people are safer." And, in your Muslim Outreach
section, you say, "Due to the strong leadership and compassion of our
President, the country of Iraq is securing a stable and prosperous
future despite those who would thwart the progress." Well, sweet shit,
18-22 year-old motherfuckers, the campaign is over. Your re-elected
President o' compassion needs your tender, young flesh to continue the
march to a free Iraq. Otherwise, well, shit, the terrorists win, no?
College Republicans National Committee Chair
Eric Hoplin
, you'd be a fine example to the rest of your organization if you went
down to the local Army office and said, "Sign me up, Sarge. And put me
on the front lines." Or howzabout Minnesota College Republican Chair Jake Grassel
. Just hop on over to the St. Paul Marine recruiting office. Imagine how much the ladies would like you in the dress blues.
Goddamn,
Stephen Puetz
, Chairman of the California College Republicans, you've been so busy
getting thousands of fine, delusional youngsters to join your group, as
well as working to suppress the free speech of Michael Moore and
meeting your wife at a Bush volunteer get-together that you forgot that
there's a way to really put up or shut up: ask your Vietnam vet Dad how
the Navy can make a man of you. Or you could just take a page from Michael Davidson
's bio - he's running for chair of the CRNC and "hopes to join" the Marines in 2007.
Al Jiwa at Yale,
Evan Baehr
and
Rachel Rawson
, daughter of a Marine, at Princeton, don't just leave it up to the
officers at non-Ivy schools. Show everyone a Yalie can take shrapnel in
the leg like a UConn student. Show the other College Republicans over
there how to scream in Latin that it fuckin' burns and goddamn why are
we here and, fuck, don't-let-me-lose-the-leg.
The 56th Annual CRNC Convention
starts
in a little over a week. There, fine speakers like Tom DeLay, Grover
Norquist, and David Horowitz will whip you into a fevered frenzy of
Bush-worship masking as patriotism. Surely, you will bow your heads and
pray for the lost and injured in Iraq and Afghanistan. Surely, you will
parade the few of your own who have been there. Surely, you will spend
time honoring all your heroes who went to Vietnam, like DeLay, Dick
Cheney, George Bush, Karl Rove...oh, wait. That explains why you're
College Republicans.
Learn the words now:
From the Halls of Montezuma
To the shores of Tripoli
We fight our country's battles
In the air on land and sea.
First to fight for right and freedom
And to keep our honor clean;
We are proud to bear the title
Of United States Marines.
Our flag's unfurled to every breeze
From dawn to setting sun;
We have fought in every clime and place
Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off Northern lands
And in sunny tropic scenes;
You will find us always on the job --
The United States Marines.
Here's health to you and to our Corps
Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life
And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy
Ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines.
or if the Marines aren't your thing:
Over hill, over dale
As we hit the dusty trail,
And the Caissons go rolling along.
In and out, hear them shout,
Counter march and right about,
And the Caissons go rolling along.
Then it's hi! hi! hee!
In the field artillery,
Shout out your numbers loud and strong,
For where e'er you go,
You will always know
That the Caissons go rolling along.
Over hill, over dale
As we hit the dusty trail,
And the Caissons go rolling along.
In and out, hear them shout,
Counter march and right about,
And the Caissons go rolling along.
Then it's hi! hi! hee!
In the field artillery,
Shout out your numbers loud and strong,
For where e'er you go,
You will always know
That the Caissons go rolling along.
That the Caissons go rolling along.
That the Caissons go rolling along.
You'll need to know the words when you graduate from OCS or Boot Camp. Your country needs you. The colors call.
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